Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

So Will dragged me to church today. Yes, I know, my non-believer husband had to drag his Catholic born and bred wife to church today. Nope, didn't wither away with smoke coming out of me as soon as I stepped inside the church. It was nice actually, very peaceful, very calm, very friendly. I needed it today though. I needed enlightenment, I needed strength to help me get through the disappointments.

I was hoping to get answers as to why Will and I are going through this right now (just a recap for those of you who skipped through my previous posts: Miscarriage then ectopic pregnancy, then tried for almost a year, still no baby, disapponited, heartache, friends getting pregnant but not me, "Why us?" "Why us?", and so on... that just about sums it up...) Anyhoo, The thing though is, it's been a while since I've been to church. I didn't even know what to expect anymore. I kept finding myself wondering why, getting angrier and more bitter. Halfway through the service, I decided maybe it was a lost cause. I started to just think about where to have lunch after church, or what to buy at Walmart after church or maybe I should've worn something different (though I have to say I looked cute in my outfit today)

(my bargain buys: Old Navy flower cardigan $5.99, Express sequin tank $14.99, black skinny pants, CL Jo- not a bargain)

I digress... As I walked out of church after the service, I felt an even bigger sense of loneliness. Perhaps, I thought I expected too much. Or perhaps, I don't deserve it...

On Tuesday, a friend of mine posted this on Facebook: "Sometimes not getting what you want doesn't mean that you don't deserve it, it can also mean that you deserve something better."

God, I'll be waiting for that something better...