Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

So Will dragged me to church today. Yes, I know, my non-believer husband had to drag his Catholic born and bred wife to church today. Nope, didn't wither away with smoke coming out of me as soon as I stepped inside the church. It was nice actually, very peaceful, very calm, very friendly. I needed it today though. I needed enlightenment, I needed strength to help me get through the disappointments.

I was hoping to get answers as to why Will and I are going through this right now (just a recap for those of you who skipped through my previous posts: Miscarriage then ectopic pregnancy, then tried for almost a year, still no baby, disapponited, heartache, friends getting pregnant but not me, "Why us?" "Why us?", and so on... that just about sums it up...) Anyhoo, The thing though is, it's been a while since I've been to church. I didn't even know what to expect anymore. I kept finding myself wondering why, getting angrier and more bitter. Halfway through the service, I decided maybe it was a lost cause. I started to just think about where to have lunch after church, or what to buy at Walmart after church or maybe I should've worn something different (though I have to say I looked cute in my outfit today)

(my bargain buys: Old Navy flower cardigan $5.99, Express sequin tank $14.99, black skinny pants, CL Jo- not a bargain)

I digress... As I walked out of church after the service, I felt an even bigger sense of loneliness. Perhaps, I thought I expected too much. Or perhaps, I don't deserve it...

On Tuesday, a friend of mine posted this on Facebook: "Sometimes not getting what you want doesn't mean that you don't deserve it, it can also mean that you deserve something better."

God, I'll be waiting for that something better...

Don't pity the lucky me!

I guess this month isn't our month either. Will and I have been trying to have another baby for a while now. As some of you know, I have had 2 miscarriages within the last year. It is heartbreaking. Some days are better than the others and the other days you just try and move on. I'm 32! My ovaries are almost about to expire! It better happen this year, it just better.

This morning was one of those "I'm so down, why is this happening to me, are you punishing me, I'm so lonely, boo-hoo me" kind of days. We're allowed to have those days right? Although I have to admit, lately, those kind of days for me are more frequent than others.

Then I got to work and I found this on my whiteboard...

Sometimes, in the midst of sorrow, we forget the ones that keep and make us happy. I am the luckiest mom...

Our Valentine's Day celebration

I had the best time last night. Will took me out for dinner and dancing to celebrate Valentine's Day. We left the kids with a babysitter for the first time in years! The ride to Edmonton was so quiet, no fighting in the back, nobody whining and saying "mommy, I'm hungry" or "mommy, I have to go pee" Well, actually I whined that I was hungry and Will said he had to go pee. ; ) We went to Sawmill Banquet in Edmonton. The food was amazing. They had seafood and prime rib buffet and chocolate fondue (with Grand Marnier, Creme de menthe and Malibu coconut Rum) for dessert. I must've eaten 5000 calories but DIET was not in my vocabulary last night. There was a live band as well, the Blackboard Jungle. They were really great! Love the songs they sang. We were probably one of the few "younger" ones who stayed for the dancing. The band played songs like "Freak Out" and you should've seen the people on the dance floor move. They were probably in their 20s when that song first came out! Will and I sat a few songs, I just didn't know how to dance to "Sweet Home Alabama" you know? They finally played Katy Perry and Lady Gaga songs (Poker Face nontheless-probably for our sake) Will and I danced to that one! It's funny though, you should've seen the more "mature" ; ) dancers just stop and stare at the band not really sure about how to dance to these songs. Kinda like how we looked like when they played Shania Twain and Will and I had to two step. Anyway, it was a fun night! Great food, good music, met some new friends, got to dress up (and wear my pretty but awfully painful Louboutins)

He DANCED! and he wasn't even drunk!



They are NOT meant for walking, or dancing, or standing on. They are just meant to be on display on a shelf with spotlights. Not the most comfortable!

MY CLOSET IS DONE!!!

It is done! IT"S DONE!!!! I spent the entire day in my closet, I even missed SuperBowl! Okay, I don't really watch sports or care for football, but it sounds more dramatic that I missed SuperBowl to BE in my closet! This is my post-Christmas gift from Will. What a sweetie! Actually, I think he just really, REALLY wants to shut me up. I've been whining, I mean politely and patiently asking, for a walk-in for quite sometime now. We (and by we, I mean Will. I just want to feel included you know?) expanded my old almost non-existent closet to a 7' by 9' haven for me. Not a Mariah Carey-ish closet but it suits me perfectly. I think Will was relieved that our house is small enough that we can only build a closet this size. I mean, the bigger the closet, the more you have to fill it right?

This was day 1, as you can see, the closet was not even big enough for my stuff.



The light fixtures! Do you see the price? Do you, do you???? I almost bought all their stock because they were so cheap!




The color of the walls is orange, think Hermes orange and not Home Depot orange. I know it's hard to imagine but it works out in the end I promise! My dog Louis thinks it's his room!



THE FINISHED CLOSET!

View from the door, left wall



left wall, see my $39.00 Walmart dresser? I was so excited to get them! Will was at walmart right after they opened so he can buy these before they run out (like there's going to be a black dresser drawer shortage!!! Well, it's perfect for my closet okay!)



view from the door, right wall. The most exciting part was most of the ones we bought to decorate the closet were on sale. We were supposed to go with chocolate brown shelves but we found the white ones on clearance for 75% off. I actually like it better!



right wall






the front wall opposite from the door. The full length mirror and the vanity stool are from Walmart, the vanity mirror and the 2 bag paintings(both on sale!) from Winners



What do you think? What do you think??? I don't even want to leave my closet, I also bought a CD/IPOD player so I can listen to my Glee CDs. I'm such a geek!

Will's birthday

We celebrated Will's ??rd birthday today ; ) Didn't really do anything special but I had a sweet surprise for him. If you know my husband, he is the most patient (I say that as only a REALLY patient man could deal with me haha!) the most generous and the most loving and perfect husband a wife could ever hope for. I wanted to do something cool for him, I wanted to give him something he's been asking for, something that he would like. So, a motorcycle is definitely out and I cannot really build him his dream garage. The only "time-out" he gets to have now is when he gets to go outside and have his drink (rye and coke) Those are the only things he would actually buy for himself, not even the brand name stuff. He buys the COLA from No Frills (you know the one with the yellow label that says COLA) and the generic rye from Superstore (you know the big ass bottle of rye that says RYE. I kid you not, that's all it says is RYE) Anyway, I told him I could not afford to give him a big present (I'm a government employee you know, haha!) But what i didn't tell him is that I bought him a Crown Royal texas mickey. For my American friends, a texas mickey is a 3 L -or almost a gallon ; ) bottle of liquor. I also bought the smallest Crown Royal (it was soooo cute!) and a COLA (no way am I paying $3.00 for COKE man-it wasn't on sale at CO-OP) I wrapped the pop (again to my American friends, pop is soda) in tissue and put the pop and the small Crown Royal in the texas mickey box. So when he opened it he thought he was getting the big bottle but inside it was just the small one and the pop. Mean huh? But I left the texas mickey with a bow on it in my car and after dinner asked him to get something from the back of my car. I guess he really like him present because...

This is the Crown Royal on his birthday...




and the Crown Royal a few days later...